Planning a Pregnancy ? Thinking if you should have another baby now? Or is it the right time? Are we even ready for another baby? These are such common thoughts in the minds of many parents (especially those with kids very close in age). And rightfully it is important…Why? Well, read on to see….
Yesterday, I got the opportunity to leave my infant with my husband as he was napping. I had to rush to pick up my middle child from pre-school. This was a very rare moment as my infant is normally stuck to me and if I do go out with 2 kids it’s always my infant and one of the toddlers.
I have to say, it was a breeze. Well for those 30 minutes at least! I didn’t have to scramble with 3 kids. Nor did I have to carry anyone. And I could entirely focus on both my toddlers and have a conversation with them without trying to manage 3 kids.
That moment took me back to 2015 when I was having a very rough time adjusting to having 2 kids. I decided I wouldn’t continue with our business venture and took a 5-month break to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
That’s when I decided to pursue blogging (this was November 2016). Once I launched my blog, I felt like I had finally found what I loved doing and wanted to make a business out of it, and then…3 months into blogging I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd.
Once I launched my blog, I felt like I had finally found what I loved doing and wanted to make a business out of it, and then…3 months into blogging I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd.
It was a huge shock, unplanned. I had just started this blog, felt like I was finally getting my body back slowly as my toddler reduced nursing and then I had to do it all over again. And that was when I realized, Wow I am really not ready for this. My kids are now 4, 3 & 10 months. Yup, I am that mother with
And that was when I realized, Wow I am really not ready for this. My kids are now 4, 3 & 10 months. Yup, I am that mother with 3 kids Under 5 years.
Of course, everything is from Allah (God) and this was our destiny. However, it did leave me with a lot to say when I am asked; “How is it with 3 kids so young, I don’t know when to try again”.
So my dear fellow parents here are some thoughts to consider when you are planning a pregnancy:
Is Your Youngest Child Old Enough?
This is probably the most important thing to consider when planning a pregnancy. After having 3 kids about 2 years apart I feel that, had my daughter (who is now my middle child) been a little older or at least 3 years old when her brother was born things would have been easier to manage.
When her brother was born she had barely turned 2 years old and started her terrible twos. It’s only now (when her brother is 10 months) that her tantrums & meltdowns are easier to manage and we are able to communicate with her without her screaming.
So now when anyone asks me if it’s the right time to have another child, my first question is how old will their siblings be, and if they are 3 or slightly older I feel it’s a great age. Anytime between 18 months and 3 years can be a very challenging time developmentally.
How Will Another Baby Affect My Work/Our Business?
If you have a business you are running from home, you will need some support. Of course, this would depend on how close in age your kids are. It is better to be prepared for about 8-10 weeks of a slow period if you are managing everything alone.
If you have a job, you will naturally want to consider whether you want to go back to work. This feeling is common for the first time mother because she didn’t anticipate how hard it would be leaving your baby behind. However, normally after 2 or 3 kids, that worry reduces because you are more comfortable with childcare. Many times a mother can feel resentful if she wasn’t able to pursue her dream job because she was a homemaker.
However, normally after 2 or 3 kids, that worry reduces because you are more comfortable with childcare. Many times a mother can feel resentful if she wasn’t able to pursue her dream job because she was a homemaker.
Previous PPD or Trauma from Births
Unresolved Postpartum issues or Trauma from previous births can really cause for a difficult & emotional pregnancy and recovery. Sometimes even if it was addressed it is something that could come up again and need attention. So it is always good to be prepared for it and have someone to talk so that it doesn’t get any worse than it should.
I personally feel I have had PPD from my first baby that I never addressed. Only after having my 3rdbaby (and becoming more aware of the different kinds of postpartum mental issues) did I realize that Postpartum Stress & Anxiety was something I had from the first birth that I never addressed which was negatively affecting my mental health. I also had a lot of Birth Trauma from having bad experiences with my C-sections.
Wanting A Natural Birth?
If you have had a C-section previously or any complications at previous birth/births, it is important to factor this into your plans because this can add to trauma and stress on your pregnancy and birth if you don’t have a supportive provider. My biggest stressor for both my
My biggest stressor for both my 2nd & 3rdPregnancies was not having a supportive OB and not being able to afford a Midwife. This affected my attempted VBACs and led to C-sections, which are harder to recover from when you have toddlers.
Completing Your Education
If you are studying and planning a pregnancy, try to finish your classes before another baby joins the clan especially if you have no childcare.
Having a Good Support System
I have realized now that having a good support system is crucial to being able to manage more than 1 child. Whether its a nanny, cleaner, your family/inlaws or just friends. If you are like me and you don’t have your immediate family around, you will want to make sure to ask your in-laws for help if they are close by.
Speak to your spouse to see if your in-laws can provide some support and if not then see what other ways you can get help. Build a support group through your friends as you will need them. It takes a village and while you think you may be able to manage you will need access to support.
Ideas could be to join support groups for mom’s of kids your age, connecting with mothers through playdates and also reaching out to friends for help when you need it.
A very important thing to know about support is you are not a bad parent if you need help. There is so much stigma around “being a super mom” and managing everything on your own. We don’t realize that having a nanny or a cleaner for a few hours a week is completely OK! It is important to get the help that you need so that you can support your family. It took me 5 years to realize this!
Relationship With Your Partner
If you feel you have grown distant from your partner after children, please take care of that before you start planning another pregnancy. It might not seem important now but having another baby will only make it harder if not worse.
So are you ready for another baby?
I was really not ready as I was starting to slowly get adjusted to being a mother of 2. Also, I was also managing some major fatigue issues due to vitamin deficiencies and getting pregnant.
But…In saying all of this, there really isn’t a right time because in the end, it’s all up to God…He decrees when it’s the right time for us because He is the All-Knower. Maybe you feel like you just addressed some sleep issues your toddler had. Maybe you just started studying or launched a new project.
All I am saying is there is no wrong in waiting, and doing what’s right for you. And there is no wrong is going for it if you really want to have your children close in age
If you feel the time isn’t right, then wait it out. If you do end up planning a pregnancy, get pregnant and you felt like you weren’t ready then you have 9 months to prepare yourself and address any issues that you feel may cause challenges for the future. There is always time to embrace it.
No matter what happens, it’s important to remember we have been blessed with the opportunity to bring up amazing souls. Many can’t even have 1 child. At the same time, take care of you, because at the end of the day without a Happy & Fulfilled Mommy, you won’t be able to enjoy the joys that motherhood brings.
I would love to hear your experience below and if you ever need any advice on having 3 please feel free to reach out anytime!