Ever since I can remember, Self-Love has been on my list of goals to achieve. I have never really learned to slow down, listen to my thoughts, stay still with myself. I was always on go-go-go mode and when I didn’t achieve something I beat myself up.
When someone didn’t love me back I felt it was because of me. When someone didn’t reciprocate kindness that I showed, I felt like I wasn’t worthy. And this stayed with me.
Yet I continued giving, loving, being the best person I could be for everyone else BUT myself. And that’s when I realized, I am not doing myself justice. Really, I needed to learn how to love myself.
A few months ago I connected with Kelsey Hezam randomly on Instagram after watching one of her Videos go viral. I saw something that stuck out to me on her website and that was “mindset coach”. Of all the coaches I’ve met, there’s something genuine about her that stuck with me. She is all about improving your mindset, dropping those fears and achieving those goals. I immediately reached out to her and we connected.
Kelsey Hezam is a Respiratory Therapist & Personal trainer turned entrepreneur. She is mindset and personal development obsessed. She coaches stay at home moms on how to build profitable online businesses.
I am honored to have her write about Self-Love because as mothers, I can’t say how important it is to love ourselves through this journey because if we don’t we can’t expect to give love and still be happy. Please join me in reading what she has to say below and comment on what stood out to you the most!
How do you define Self-Love?
This is a question I ask every guest I bring on my Podcast. I love this question because it’s as powerful as it is interesting seeing that no two person’s definition is the same.
I mean, you could define self-love as one thing while somebody else could define it as something entirely different. Not to mention, it could change throughout the years.
Self-love is fluid, it is ever-changing, and it is entirely dependent on you, yourself as a person.
During my latest Podcast interview, as I asked my guest that question I realized that I had never actually come up with an answer to it myself. Which is crazy considering I ask everyone else to define it, so it got me thinking.
Self-love. To love thy self.
What in the world does that even mean?
Does it mean being vain and loving how you look? Loving every part of you, even the parts of you that need work? Or does it mean showing yourself love and compassion when you grab yourself that second piece of cake?
Maybe to you, that’s what it looks like, or maybe it’s something else.
As for myself, my definition has changed tremendously over the years. In all honesty, I don’t know that I had very much love for myself for a large portion of my life.
I let my friends treat me badly, I let them tell me I was annoying, ditsy, stupid, etc. Far too many times, I have said yes when deep down I knew I wanted to say no. I let people walk all over me and even when I would try to speak out, my shy timid voice would never be heard.
This my friends is the complete opposite of self-love. This is lack of love, lack of self-worth and this is not how our lives are meant to be lived.
So, now, at almost 27 years old with an 8-month-old baby and a ton of personal development, how do I define self-love?
It’s loving yourself even on your bad days. And giving yourself grace when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize the body staring back at you during your fourth trimester.
It is pushing out any and all negative thoughts before they sit and linger and start picking away at your confidence and self-esteem.
It’s forgiving yourself when you get irritated with your baby because they aren’t sleeping. It’s showing compassion and empathy to yourself at all times.
It is understanding that even if you aren’t perfect and have things you would like to work on that you deserve nothing but the best from yourself and everyone around you.
It is cultivating loving & empowering thoughts throughout your day. It’s being your best friend, your personal cheerleader and loving yourself like you are the most important person in your life.
Because my dear, you ARE the most important person in your life.
So How Can You Cultivate More Self-Love?
Self-Love Tip 1 | Gain Control Of Your Thoughts.
This is probably the most important thing you can do on your journey to loving yourself. I honestly cannot stress this enough. Most of our struggles and negativity all come down to the things we tell ourselves on a daily basis.
Just think, we have 50 000 – 70 000 thoughts per day, which comes up to a whopping 35-48 per minute.
Can you imagine the impact 35 negative thoughts per minute could have on your day, your self-esteem, your confidence, and your self-love?
Every single day you need to get in the habit of choosing your thoughts like you would choose the clothes you are wearing.
Only choose thoughts that are kind, empowering and that lift you up. Just as you wouldn’t choose clothing that makes you look and feel awful about yourself, you wouldn’t want your thoughts to do the same.
Self-Love Tip 2 | Go Easy On Yourself.
As women, and especially as mother’s we tend to be so hard on ourselves. The reality is, everyone needs a little bit more grace and a little bit more forgiveness in their lives.
One of the four agreements to having an incredible life is to just do your best. This is from the book Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
If at the end of the day you know deep down that you have done your absolute best, then that is all that matters. Everything else should be forgiven.
Self-Love Tip 3 | Be Aligned
We tend to feel our best when our actions are aligned with our thoughts. Meaning, if you have been wanting to eat healthier, but continue to make choices that don’t reflect that, then you will most likely feel bad about yourself, have negative self-talk, and feel like you are “failing”.
Even though you aren’t, it is completely natural for you to feel that way. With that being said, if every day you chose your actions carefully based on the way you view yourself and would like to be; you will automatically feel better about yourself.
Because you will be living in alignment with who you are and the woman you would like to be.
Self-Love Tip 4 | Protect Your Space
Surround yourself with people and things that breathe life into you. Those that make you feel energized and excited about yourself and your life. There is enough negativity in the world that you don’t need to surround yourself with any more of it.
Learn to say no to anything and everything that drains you and makes you feel less than the amazing human being that you are.
Self-Love Tip 5 | Knowing you are enough
You have to give up all your old beliefs about yourself that make you feel like you are anything less than perfect.
You need to know AND believe that you are enough even on your bad days, with your imperfections and flaws.
Just because you may not feel like it right now while reading this, it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn or unlearn anything that is preventing you from feeling worthy just as you are.
Now, I know these may not seem like your typical self-love tips. Because to me loving yourself means recognizing any and all situations that don’t come from a place of profound love and respect for yourself.
Self-love can be as simple as saying no to a work event because you don’t feel your best when you are around your coworkers. It could be eating a salad one day and eating ice cream for dinner the next.
Ultimately, self-love is anything that elevates and honors you, the amazing woman that you are. And the best part about it is that you get to decide the best way to love yourself.
So, how do you define self-love?